What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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