You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
