i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
