It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
