you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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