sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
