On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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