yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
