Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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