He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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