dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
