Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
So squirting runs in the family.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
