Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
