Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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