Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
