Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
