Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
