I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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