you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
