she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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