my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
