i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
