The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
