"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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