Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
