So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
