your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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