I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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