just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
