I want to make a zoo with you.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
