What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
