I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
