there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize