She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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