There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize