Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
