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• (505): View more from New Mexico

  I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks

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• (845): View more from New York

  Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.

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• (785): View more from Kansas

  The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am

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• (410): View more from Maryland

  Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.

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• (507): View more from Minnesota

  Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  Don't make emojis simulating eating me out

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• (630): View more from Illinois

  He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.

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• (619): View more from California

  i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?

  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!

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• (415): View more from California

  I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.

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