Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize