Dual....:-)
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
