Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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