i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
