New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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