Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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