Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
