WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
