I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Drake has all the answers
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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