Are we in a gay sports bar?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
