fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
