We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
