You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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