Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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