and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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