there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
