i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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