Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize