I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
she peed on how many people?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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