I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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