foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
