if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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