he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
