did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize