He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
