I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
