I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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