Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He's on the porch naked. Help.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
