He is an equal opportunity slut.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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