you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
